Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Can't we all just get along? Seriously....

I'm getting tired of all the division that black women seem to insist on spreading within our community.  Light vs dark, relaxed vs texlaxed, natural vs chemically treated, the list goes on.  Why not just black women vs black women?  Don't we all go through the same struggles and obstacles on a day to day basis?  Wouldn't it be nice to have a support system instead of being faced with adversity from your own brethren?

For those of you who are new followers of my blog/channel, let me share a bit of the background that led to my publicly sharing my journey.  I experienced a lot of damage over the years from relaxers but I continued to relax until I physically couldn't because I didn't know I had another option.  When I finally experienced enough damage that prevented me from relaxing anymore I turned to braids....again because I didn't know that the act of simply NOT relaxing was an option.  I wore braids for 2 years straight and when I finally stopped braiding....I was shocked, in love and obsessed with my new full head of natural kinks.  THAT and that reason alone is what led me to share.  I wanted to let other black women know that there was another option!  If I didn't know....than I knew there must be others like me.  I don't think that being natural is necessarily for everyone but I want to do my part to let women know that at least they have an option.

The goal I want for my channel is to show options.  The manageability and versatility of natural hair, natural hair styling, braids, weaves and wigs. 

On my most recent wig review I received the following comment:
i hate 2 see black women who go natural, then go out n sport a bone straight wig, it would be much more empowering 2 sport ur natural hair straightened then to wear a hair hat lol. i will definitely do me by not ever wearing a wig, because im too proud and would be too shame to do so. I thought we as naturals were suppose to be tryn to break that sterotyping cycle.

I don't think my choices are appropriate for everyone.  But why do my choices make me any less of a natural? or any less of a black woman than someone else?  I'm not one to pass judgment but this comment is coming from someone who has music videos featuring "ass shaking video vixens" in her favourites list, lol.  I mean....do we really want to talk about breaking stereotypes?

I've never claimed to be someone trying to change the world....I'm simply here to share what I've learned and let other women know they have choices.  But I did want to take this opportunity to respond to this comment and let other black women know that they also have choices.  You have choices in how you choose to wear your hair, your choice of music and clothing.  You also have the choice to RESPECT other's choices.   You have the choice to spread love and not hate.  You have the choice to play a supportive role in our community or attempt to tear it apart.  What choices will you make?

                                                                NATURAL HAIR


                                                       BRAIDS WITH EXTENSIONS


  1. Girl ! You couldn't be more right. Just keep doing you because you are doing you "BEAUTIFULLY" !!! P.S. Stay blessed !

  2. I always wonder why ppl care so much about someone else's choice of hairstyles. That's pretty rude to say what she did. Every one's reason for going natural is different so she can't expect every one to think like she does. Btw, I thought your hair and make up was so cute

  3. What's empowering is a woman being able to wear her hair and her wigs the way that she wants. You are not less of a natural for wearing a straight wig. As a matter of fact you are protecting your hair when you wear wigs. People can be so closed minded! Keep doing what you do because you do it well!

  4. Interesting how "Yakiniful" declared and owned her choice to "definitely do me by not ever wearing a wig".... literally while passing judgment on your choice to sport one. The other irony here is that if you were doing exactly what she suggested - "2 sport ur natural hair straightened then to wear a hair hat" - you would probably encounter some kind of insult / criticism / judgment from the no-heat natural nazis out there. Man, it sure can get mean out here on these natural hair "community" streets! Great response though :)

    1. LOL, you are sooo right! I never even thought of that. I'm sure straightening my own hair would have had her commenting as well. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

  5. Toni just keep doing your thing remember you can't please all the people all the time. Stay true to you and you are beautiful whatever style you choose to wear.

  6. Girl do you. its your money your life. Do what makes you happy.

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Cindy said...
    I stand with the rest of the ladies who have commented. I appreciate the time you take to share your experiences on your blog as well a your YouTube channel. One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch....Peace and Hair Grease!!

    Sistah Love,

  9. Hi Toni!

    Some people have so much cheek!

    You Can't please everybody but then again nobody said you had to. You are Toni and can do what you please with your hair and wear as many different 'hair hats' as you choose to on your head. Variety is the spice of life and obviously this woman doesn't like spices lol!

  10. Girl...u know how I feel. I do it all, my natural hair, braids, weaves, wigs and it is ALL GOOD. Besides who cares, we look fly either way!!! I posted a vid on this topic awhile back, and it is quite sad, but alas, one more thing to keep black folk divided. smh.


  11. I have not chemically straigtened since 2002? Anyway i dont perm my hair anymore jus cuz i found that my hair was the strongest it has ever been since i stopped perming. What i dont understand though, is why having "natural" hair has to mean anything? Do you know what im saying? like..."you blow dry or dye your hair so you are NOT natural" WTF? um.....i dont perm my hair...soo....LOL. Its so sad how some black women treat eachother over foolishness. --lukki7ster (subbie)

  12. I know this is an old blog entry but I really wanted to comment: I have had similar experiences in the past with a natural hair sister demeaning my temporary decision to wear a wig. I have suffered alot of hairline hairloss due to poor braiding and at home relaxers! Wearing a wig was my way of giving my hair a chance to recover and for new growth. Its sad that a minority of misguided and insensitive sisters can make negative judgements without even looking at the bigger picture. I agree with you about choice, it is a powerful and empowering gift that we should not abuse or withdraw from others, especially amongst us as black women.If being 'natural' is limited to ones hair texture not being chemically processed then what about the makeup we wear on our faces to accentuate our looks as 'natural hair' women? Is wearing foundation, lip gloss and false eyelashes acceptable as a 'natural sister'?! There are so many double standards that its a joke. Let us just enjoy our fluffy crown of hair in its untamed natural state, wear a wig, braids or weave and still celebrate the many facets of our beauty. We are making such progress in reclaiming our identity that we dont need to allow a minority of ill informed people to hold us back. Thank you Toni for exemplifying what it is to be happy in her own skin.

    1. Hi! Thanks so much for commenting. I couldn't agree with you more. I'm looking forward to the day when we stop nit-picking and trying to bring one another down and appreciate one another for who we are :)


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Hi, I'm Toni. A natural hair enthusiast, blogger and jewelry designer who enjoys experimenting with all things hair and beauty. I hope to share a bit along the way. :)